The Big Adventures of MiniHime
by SnakeyLobve
Summary: Szayel uses one of his new experiments on Orihime, turning her into a little girl, and she wreaks havoc on the Espada. Oneshot, no pairings. Implied UlquiHime at the end. Crackish. T for Nnoitras mouth.


A/N: Okay Darling-Corinna, here's something crazy for you! Hope you like it.

The Big Adventures of Mini-Hime

This was bad. Even the great Ulquiorra was having troubles figuring out what to do in this particular situation. Here, standing in front of him, was the woman. This would have been fine, if she were not a third of her original size and as it would seem, age. He had not one hour ago left her alone to eat her breakfast, and now here she was, no more than five years old. He glared down at her as she looked up at him with big, innocent eyes. He was hoping if he glared hard enough, this horrible situation would somehow go away.

It didn't.

"Who're you, mister?" She asked sweetly, looking him over with childish curiosity.

"You know who I am, woman." He replied coldly, refusing to believe what was happening.

She stuck her bottom lip out as far as it could go, before suddenly smiling. "Well, then, I now dub you 'horny-chan'!" If Ulquiorra wasn't as eloquent as he was, he would have choked on his spit.

"Why, pray-tell, is my name 'Horny-chan'? You will refer to me as Ulquiorra and nothing more."

"But you have a big horn on your head! It looks silly, Horny-chan." She said, giggling. He inwardly sighed, and went to tell Aizen about the newest development when she grabbed his pants. He looked down at her to see tears in her young eyes.

"Please don't leave Horny-cha-"

"Ulquiorra."

"Ulq... Ulquee.. orra?" She said, testing the name on her tongue. She narrowed her eyes in distaste. "I like Horny-chan better."

He glared, not wanting to deal with this anymore. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he promptly left the room, leaving a teary-eyed Orihime in his wake.

* * *

><p>Nnoitra had been minding his own business, walking down the halls, when he heard high-pitched crying from the womans room. Deciding to shut her up, he swung open the door, to a very confusing site.<p>

On the floor in the middle of the room was a tiny Orihime, flailing her arms and legs and wailing like a banshee. He looked at her with a dumbstruck face.

"What the fuck?"

The sound of his voice broke her from her crying and she looked up. And up. And up. Her sad look was replaced with a look of amazement. She jumped up and stood beside him, comparing their heights.

"You sure are tall, mister! Do you think I'll be as tall as you one day?" She asked looking up at him. He scoffed down at her and pushed her away.

"No, you won't." He grumbled, annoyed at the situation he was in. She looked up at him defiantly.

"Why not? My brother said I can be anything I want when I grow up and I want to be massive like you, Giant-san!" If he could glare at her any harder, she would probably have turned to stone.

"Holy fuck, pet-sama, you're more annoying than you usually are." He grumbled turning and sauntering out of the room.

"No, Giant-san, I am just as annoying as I always am!" he heard her yell through the door as he walked down the hallways, trying not to go back and kill her for the nickname she made him. He calmed his breathing and went back to his room.

* * *

><p>Orihime was sitting on the floor, tracing pictures of kittens on the concrete with her finger, when she heard the door open. She looked up with excitement to see Ulquiorra before her. She jumped up to give him a hug when another person stepped out from behind him. Her smile faltered when she looked upon a tall man with his hair brown hair slicked back. As soon as he walked in the atmosphere of the room got colder.<p>

She glared softly, slightly scared of the older man. He smiled down at her with a clearly fake smile, and she stuck her tongue out at him. He chuckled lightly.

"Well this is quite the predicament, isn't it, Ulquiorra?"

"Horny-chan." She said correcting him. He chuckled again, and leaned down to her level.

"Do you know who I am, Orihime-chan?" he asked calmly. She thought for a moment before looking him in the eyes.

"A butt-head?" she said innocently. There was a loud girlish laugh behind them. They turned around to see Szayel standing in the doorway with a satisfied look on his face.

"I see my little experiment worked. She's much cuter this way, don't you agree?" he said, doing a magnificent gesture with his hand.

"Szayel, what did you do to the woman?" Ulquiorra asked, fed up with this situation. He almost preferred her when she was the defiant woman she was just this morning.

"It was simple, really. I just made a little concoction and put it in her food when you weren't looking. It had the desired effects."

Aizen sighed, and stood up.

"As interesting as that is, Szayel, I implore you to change her back." He said, though everyone knew it was an order.

Szayels smile faltered, and he sighed, pulling out a vile from his pocket. He leaned in front of Orihime and waved the vile in front of her face.

"Hello, Orihime. I need you to drink this okay?" He said, opening the vile and putting it to her lips. She breathed in and gagged at the smell. Pushing the vile away, she plopped on the ground and pouted.

"No! It smells icky." Szayel looked angrily at her, as she almost spilled the remedy for her problem. Aizen knelt down before her again.

"Please, Orihime-chan. It's very important to me that you drink this." He said calmly, holding the vile in front of her once again. She hmphed and turned away. He narrowed his eyes, and Ulquiorra went behind him.

"Aizen-sama, if I may." Aizen just nodded and motioned for him to go ahead. Ulquiorra stood in front of her and stared down.

"Woman, you will drink it or I will force it down your throat."

There was a silence and they just stared at each other for a brief moment before she smiled widely.

"Okay, Horny-chan!" She said happily, taking the strange-smelling concoction from his hands and swallowing it down.

There was a loud 'poof' and there sat Orihime in her normal, teenage form. She looked around confused.

"What is going on? Why are you all here?" She asked nervously. Aizen smiled curtly.

"Glad that you are back to normal, Orihime-chan. Come you two, we have a meeting to attend to." He said, and him and Szayel left the room. Ulquiorra stayed behind and glanced back at her.

"You are much more bearable in this form, woman." It almost sounded like a compliment, which confused her even more. He turned to leave and paused at the doorway.

"From now on you are to have one of my fraccion test every one of your meals before you eat it, understood?" She nodded quickly and he left her in the room, as lost as when she first woke up. She shook her head and decided everyone must have just been going insane.

She went to her couch, and slept, and nobody dared go into her room again.

* * *

><p>FINITO!<p>

Hope you enjoyed it because MAN did I enjoy writing it!

R&R


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